I had been working on Eldair (Originally Eldar) for many years as a novel, slowly simmering and developing throughout my adolescence and into adulthood. I had lots of concept art I had drawn over the years as I developed the story and I felt it would be a fun story to tell visually.

I worked hard, drawing the first 16 pages as a comic book in a meticulous, realistic art nouveau style. It was good, but it wasn’t outstanding. And I wanted to create something outstanding. What would make this world seem bigger? What would make me stand out as a possible candidate for a concept artist position? Well, a concept art section, of course!

I compiled many of the development sketches I had done up to that point and created a few new ones to put into the back of the book. When it was completed, I was really proud of what I had completed.

What surprised me the most was when it was all done, is that it wasn’t the comic pages that caught the attention of the students, professors, and art directors, it was the concept art. It surprised me because this was back when anime and manga was not considered “real art,” so I thought for sure that people would prefer the realistic comic pages over my anime influenced concept art. So, when people gushed over my natural art style instead of what I thought people wanted, it was incredibly liberating! People liked my art the way it was!

This was the catalyst that turned Children of Eldair into a webcomic. I enjoyed the project so much that I decided to keep going with it. And over a decade later, here we are!

I thought I had lost the original files for this BFA project forever, so you can imagine how ecstatic I was when I randomly found them on an old flash drive last year! I wanted to share these concept pages with you so you can see how things have changed and developed over time—and see what has stayed the same!

(I’ll probably share the original comic pages as well, but that will be in a different post.)

So here you go! The original concept art of Children of Eldair from 2011! Paid subscribers have access to the full 16 pages here with commentary.

Iva, Indri, and Embera

Designs for Iva, Indri, and Embera. These were not the first concept designs for these three girls, but the ones that I had in mind when I started the comic in 2011. The first time I drew these three was probably back in 2003 when I was in 7^th grade, but bizarrely, I don’t think their designs changed a whole lot over that time. They even kept their original names! (Though I debated a lot on Indri’s, but couldn’t come up with anything better so it stuck. Lol) However, their elvan elements did change as Iva was originally the element of earth, Indri was fire, and Embera was wind.

Sorcerers

I put a lot of thought into the sorcerer culture early on as Koe is the first character we’d see in the comic. Because we’d end up in a very long vision and not get back to the sorcerer culture for a long time, I wanted to make sure they had a strong visual language to differentiate themselves from the other races. Plus, I just had a lot of fun with this! I love all the many layers that they wear.

As much as I love those braids, I’m not sure I’ll have the patience to draw them when we get back to the present. They take FOREVER to draw. Haha! So we’ll see if that hairstyle survives to when we get back to the present.

Since drawing this, I’ve added quite a few more runes to the alphabet, and I’ve developed the magic system a bit more. But for the most part, this is actually pretty accurate to where the story stands currently. So accurate that I needed to spoiler shield some of Koe’s page!

What’s interesting about this though, is I actually wrote some general information about the world from the Sorcerer’s perspective. The idea that the sorcerer’s were the first creation, then changelings, humans, elves, and then fairies is Sorcerer lore, but not the actual history of the world. The first people to inhabit the world were sorcerers, but all the races (other than fairies) are just split off from them, much like races in our own world. Changeling’s are just sorcerers with dark skin and a different magic system. And elves are just sorcerers with long pointy ears, and humans are short with round ears. But I guess that doesn’t seem as magical and cool. XD

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Koe Kai is the youngest graduate in the Citadel, but his smarts aren’t going to help him in his final class before graduation: Courtship 101. Don’t worry, he’s got all sorts of things against him: A terrible stutter, no social skills, and his unfortunate allergy to the sun. (No, seriously, he’s allergic to the sun.) Things can’t possibly go wrong, right?!

Created by an all-ladies comic team with plenty of their own awful dating stories, come follow this awkward young sorcerer in his terrible attempts to get dates and pass the hardest class of his career.

Story, Cover & Art: Jemma M. Young

Script: Rachel Oaks

Colors: Val Hochberg

Editing: Sara Seamons

This comic actually hasn’t been posted in it’s completed finished form online until now, which is crazy to think about cause this was made over 7 years ago. It’s only been available as a downloadable PDF or physical book. But here it is! The first third is available for free subscribers, with the rest and the downloadable PDF available for paid premium subscribers.

Enjoy!

(For those of you receiving this via email, you may need to click into the website post to view the whole thing as your email service may clip it due to it’s length!)

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I’m hoping to get the next 4 chapters put together here soon, but it just depends on how things unfold in my life.

Enjoy!

As I’ve been rebuilding this story, I was struck by how deeply I feel for these characters—particularly Koe and Embera. As I write and imagine their struggles, pains, and growth, I can’t help but feel like they are real people, and I’m just writing down their story for you all to read. I felt it was odd, because I don’t feel this way quite so strongly towards other characters. I know that this is just a story, so why do they feel so real?

Then I realized that Koe and Embera have been in my life longer than they haven’t.

I started writing Children of Eldair when I was in Jr. High. Looking back, I can see that this story was birthed from my blooming depression as a way to cope with the darkness I was feeling inside. My own emotions weren’t safe. They had to be hidden. So, I hid them in this book, bleeding out into my characters written onto those pages.

As the years passed by, my passion for Eldair came and went. I worked on other stories, developed other characters, but I always, inevitably, came back to this world that stole me away from my own. Koe and Embera grew with me through the depths of despair and illness. I couldn’t feel the right way, so they did it for me.

At some point, I put a literal demon in Embera’s back. It pushed, pulled, and strangled her emotions as she fought and fought. Which emotions were real? Which were fake? Manipulated, twisting, corrupted feelings pushing her into some emotional tormented hell. I thought it fit well with the story. It made sense. Of course there would be a demon in Embera’s back, how could there not be?

I wanted to represent what anxiety felt like. I didn’t realize it was an expression of what I felt like. There was a demon in my back, and I didn’t even know it.

And Koe, the one who wanted to help, could only watch and weep. The girl he loves dearly falling deeper and deeper into darkness. How can he save her? All he can do is pray and hope God is listening. Hope that there’s some plan and point to this madness. This suffering. I watched myself get sicker and sicker, year after year. I could do nothing. I could only watch and weep. And pray and hope that God was listening.

He was.

As I read through scripts and outlines I’ve written over the last two decades, I can see the attempt to write hope and healing into the story—I had to hope that these characters would find that light. But it never felt right. It felt artificial. Maybe it’s because I didn’t know what light looked like. What true healing and happiness looked like. I just had little glimpses and guesses of what it might look like.

But over the last two years I’ve not only been able to face the demon in my back, but slowly chip it away, shedding off the darkness little by little. I finally find myself no longer in constant torment but standing out in the light I always hoped was there, but could not see or feel. In my writing through the years, I tried to predict what this light might look like. I got it all wrong.

It’s far more beautiful, wonderful, complex, and simple than I could have ever imagined. Christ is truly at the center of it.

I often lamented that it was taking me so long to draw this story. I wanted to hurry and tell it to you. But how could I have told it without going through this journey myself? How could Embera and Koe, the two who have mirrored my struggle and pain, find that light if I hadn’t? It would have come off as fake, because it would have been the imaginings of a sick girl who had to try and pretend because the alternative was simply to give up and die.

Koe. Embera. Things will get worse. I’m sorry. But it is not without purpose and meaning. We will rise from the depths stronger, better, happier, and brighter. There are some things that only experience can teach us. And when we look back, we’ll see where we were and what we have become because of it. And we, and all the people we have met along the way, will be lifted up because of that experience.

I still have a ways to go in my own personal health journey. I still occasionally find myself in that darkness, but I find myself in the light more often than not. And the thing is, I know I’m only just at the sunrise. There is so much more good, hope, healing, and light to experience in this life and I’m just at the start of it. By the time I reach the end of Eldair, how much more will change? How much better will I become?

I found the first picture I drew of Embera and Koe together. I was 13. Just a child at the start of my long journey through the valley of shadow of death. I decided it was time to redraw it to show where I have been, and how far I have come. Just as good art takes years of practice and experience, so does life. Imagine how much better I’ll be in another 20 years!

Dream, you two. And know that the darkness is just temporary. Light and happiness is not just some far-off dream—but completely real. You’ll find it one day.

If you managed to read this far, thank you. Your support in my art journey has also helped support me in my life journey. This post was meant to just be a quick post “Look at a thing I made” and run. But I ended up finding myself contemplating the journey I’ve taken between the then and now. If you are in the darkness, hold on and have faith. Suffering doesn’t have to simply be for the sake of suffering.

May you find your path to the light. May you grow and cultivate something good from that suffering. Even in dark places, good things can grow, for we have not been buried. We’ve been planted.

If you’re curious about what specific steps I took to overcome my mental and physical illness, please feel free to reach out to me privately.